Sometimes Life is Confusing and Empowering

There are days where I feel more beautiful than usual.  Those are the days that I feel like I can do anything. No matter what life has done to me, on those days it doesn't matter, my smile, laugh, and energy is contagious. I feel very empowered those days. I am untouchable, free, peaceful, excitable, wonderful, beautiful, confident, and calm. Happy with life at that current moment, no more no less. I can't just choose this mindset, for it chooses me. It chooses me as I look at myself in the mirror as I am getting ready for the day. Then it just hits me! I feel empowered because of all I have been through. Sometimes being single feels very empowering.

Then comes the days where this does not happen. I'm not saying that I look in the mirror on these days and call myself ugly or stupid. And even though being single can feel mighty empowering, I can't help but feel as if something is still missing. There is no question or doubt that I know what is missing.

I miss that special connection. Or how doing absolutely nothing with the other is still so much fun. I miss those special hugs with the one you adore. I miss loving and being loved in return. I miss the seen and unseen respect.

Don't get me wrong... none of this is to say that I miss the relationship I was in previously. Because I don't. You're probably confused right? The thing I do miss though is being special in someone else's eyes. Someone who I have special feelings for as well. That's what I miss (which I tried to portray in the previous paragraph). No matter how empowered I am feeling at that moment, I still know something is missing. And it kills me!

This is very confusing for my brain and heart to decipher. I know I am happy, I've focused on myself for awhile, and that's great! But, then I long for that special connection and putting someone's needs before mine. I guess it's only natural right? I don't let something like that completely define me, but it is a very important part of existence in this life. I know the depiction of single life in television shows how glamorous and free it is. But I am not one to go clubbing at 2 am in hopes to find a guy for the night. I don't dig that at all actually. I would rather sit around with friends or someone I like and just talk for hours, or watching movies, or doing other random things that friends do.
Sometimes life is confusing and empowering.....but that is how we are able to tell the difference between a job well done and whether any effort was put into it at all.
Life is full of lessons.