My analytical mind.

It has been said many a time that "Love happens when you least expect it."

If this is a true statement. I am screwed. Why?

Well, in order to tell you properly, I am going to have to take you back to a time when I didn't even know what love really was.

I just have this tiny syndrome called "Expect the unexpected." I've had it all my life...well most of it. I've had it as long as I can remember anyway...which dates back to my preschool times. Because of my ability to expect what to everyone else is unexpected, it is very hard to catch me genuinely surprised.

 For example, by the time I was 5 I was starting to realize that Santa was not real. I couldn't really explain it, and as much as I wanted to deny it, I couldn't. I still believed in Santa, but I knew something was up. Perhaps it was the fact that I knew that every Christmas my grandpa would dress up in this beautiful Santa suit. But being 5 though, I was still very interested on how if Santa was a real person, why wouldn't he actually want to see all the children of the world. Why would he hire many santas across the globe to just sit in the malls all day during the Christmas season? If Santa was this jolly old man who loved all the children on the world, wouldn't he want to see each one for himself? Deep thoughts for a 5 year old, I know. By the time I was 8 though I knew that Santa was just a Christmas symbol. And when I had confirmed it for myself, it had not come as a shock, for I was expecting it. I think my first inlking of this was when I had lost my first tooth. In my house, instead of putting our tooth under our pillow, we would place it in a bowl next to our bed. One night I was so excited for the tooth fairy to come so I hurried and put my tooth in the bowl and went to bed.  I am a light sleeper and later that night someone walked into my bedroom. This someone had the same body shape as my mom. I was a bit disappointed, but didn't say anything because I still wanted the 50 cents or whatever amount it was. I was pretending to still be asleep with the one of my eyes open a little bit. Of course I still had to act excited the next morning because my parents had tried hard to be the tooth fairy. I was grateful for the money, but didn't believe in the tooth fairy anymore. Of course, with my analytic mind this meant I did not believe in the Easter Bunny. I always pictured a big bunny hopping around with a basket full or eggs and it just didn't work. It didn't make sense. No bunny could ever be that big and have the reflexes to open up doors to our house and set up easter baskets all perfectly in the living room.
I know this is all quite unbelievable for such a young girl to stir up in her mind, but trust me...this is how I am and how I've always been.

With those powerful thoughts of my childhood, I grew up and became a young woman. When I was in junior high I started to become really interested in the way romantic relationships work. I saw some different patterns in the way a pre-romantic relationship was correlated with the way the actual romantic relationship would be and a rough estimate on how long it would last. Again you might be asking... how is someone so young thinking this way? Really, I have no clue, but it's just my nature. I could figure out all the possible reasons on why a relationship started. And when it ended, I had a myriad of reasons why.
Was I ever in a relationship in junior high? No, but I learned so much from just observing. I knew the chances of a junior high relationship lasting more than a few months was pretty slim, and I have never considered myself one to just date or kiss up on someone. I knew from the age of 13 that if I was ever in a relationship I would want to make it last as long as I could. I have never been interested in flings.

When I got into high school I was 15 years old. I was lucky because I would be able to date during my sophomore year when I turned 16. Most kids are juniors before they are old enough to date. My freshman and sophomore year I was constantly analyzing and observing everything that has to do with relationships. I wanted to get some kind of a feel for what a high school relationship was like...without having to actually be in one.

I wasn't surprised when I was asked to this dance or answered back to that dance. Why? Because the way I analyze, is really easy, anyone can do it. Just pay more attention to the details surrounding on what you are trying to assess, and that's really all there is to it.
Now since it is very hard to actually catch me genuinely surprised people tend to see me as unhappy when they think I should react overly surprised. I am happy, but yet it may not show on my face. If I act in a way you don't expect, when you surprise me, don't fret about it! Honestly! Chances are I've been expecting it for awhile and when it actually happens, it just makes me really happy and warm inside and I give a smile. Really! I promise! Don't ever fret when I don't act overly surprised....please just don't.

One of the top reasons on why I am not surprised easily is because people seriously do not know how to keep their mouths shut! Really, if the surprise is for me and you really want to tell me, don't even let on that you know anything. Oh and saying "I want to tell you something really bad, but I am sworn to secrecy" isn't not telling me. That line alone send analytic sparks all throughout my brain, especially if the person who is not supposed to tell me has some kind of connection with the person who is giving me the surprise. By the time you tell me that, I've already got a list a possible things or surprises going in my head on what it possibly could be.
So if you really want to surprise, keep your mouth and others who could interact me mouths shut! Honestly, the biggest give away of secrets or suprises are through people's own mouths.

I know that last paragraph kind of seems off topic but trust me, it fits right in. Because of people "not telling me" something, I am now expecting what is not supposed to be expected by me. There is yet to be a person in this world to full fledge surprise me.

I am not surprised easily, and I will not allow my analytic powers in my brain to just stop so it can be easier to do so.


With all these examples I've brought to your attention you can clearly see that I am someone who is expecting everything. But here is the secret for not making that possible.

#1- Don't give subtle hints...because I pick up on those mighty quick. Oh, also don't let anyone in connection give me subtle hints either.
#2- Keep your mouth shut! The only way something is every going to be a true surprise is if you don't let on at all that anything is going on. Oh...and acting like you don't know what I am talking about when I ask you questions that might be related to a surprise does not work with me! My parents have done that trick for years when it involves Christmas presents, and I picked up on that certain tone of voice real quick. I know the tone, don't use the tone and things should be fine. Now I can decipher the tone, even when it doesn't involve presents.
#3- Do not act different. When you act different then you usually do around me, you can bet your bottom dollar that I know something is up. Just act normal and things will go nicely.

Okay, so what if you people think I am a little neurotic for saying the only possible way to surprise me. I know it does seem a little crazy, but I honestly am waiting for a moment where I feel 100% surprised. Even 90% would suffice with me.

So with all I've described to you, now back to the main topic.

If love happens when you least expect it, than I am not sure what I am in for.  We'll see what the future brings I guess. I'll just live my life, and be happy with it. Then a nice young man will come along and sweep me off my feet.

See, there I go again....expecting it.

So there is a look into my analytic mind. I hope you understood at least some of what you were reading!

Have a great day! :)

Hello :)

Hey everyone!

This will be my public blog. I still have my private blog, but that one has a specific purpose. This one doesn't. So who knows what madness I will be posting up on here.

Tonight was my first time at institute. Pretty lame right? I'm 20 and until tonight I had never attended an institute class. Well, I was sure missing out all that time because it rocked! I loved it. Really my favorite part of class was when we took like 5 minutes of reading the scriptures on our own trying to come up with something to share. I really was thinking so hard on what to share. When I finally knew what to share, I had to think of what to say. (I always have to think on what to say, otherwise it comes out in a way that nobody understands. So I at least have to have a general idea of what I am going to say. I seriously have to rehearse the situation actually happening...it's just something I've always done...my whole life pretty much.)

Last night I posted a picture on facebook. Whoopdy doo right? (People posts thousands of pictures to facebook each day.)

Wrong! This picture brought some light to my life. It helped me understand some things that have been going on with me. It's not bad stuff or anything, just personal stuff. But still, looking at this picture gave me peace and I wanted to share it with others. I'll put the picture below.

So I shared that with the class. The thought I gave along with it was that God does give answers but sometimes we don't look for the answers once we have asked. I think that was what I said. Seriously though, I can hardly remember. Brother Morris thought it was a cool thought.

I had fun tonight. During the devotional at the beginning there were literally 4 people minus Bro. Morris in the class. 2 guys, 2 girls (me and Dev). When class started I was like "jeez, when I sing in sacrament its not very loud and there are at least 100 people. How am I supposed to sound relatively good if only 4 people maybe 5(including Bro. Morris playing piano) are singing? I don't think I can do that."
But I decided that didn't really matter. As long as I was singing that is what mattered. So Bro. Morris started to play the piano and I was like "ahh great...here we go....." But instantly after that it was time to sing, and I just let that little thought go away and I didn't care about anything else in the moment. Dev and I were the only ones singing. I think Bro. Morris was. Maybe the 2 guys were....but I couldn't hear them.

Anyway, I had a great time at institute and honestly don't know why it has taken me so long to actually go.

I so look forward to going more often. I just hope I can go often and not have work on those nights. Crossing fingers.


So this is my new public blog! Follow me! I love people who blog stalk me! :)

As for tomorrow's agenda...I am off to Snow College to sign a housing contract at this wonderful apartment. I hope I can get in to meet with a counselor, because when I called on Monday they were completely booked for tomorrow. Let's just pray I can get in to see someone because I really don't want to do it over email.

Have a great night's sleep! :)