Doesn't matter who you are, you need this.

Love

It's a very interesting concept. When you really think about it, love is the reason we do many things.

 For some of us that includes working at a job to support a family. While to others, it means devoting one's life to serving those around them. It's the reason we marry. It's the reason we reach out to someone who needs help. It's the reason we see beauty in this life. To understand love, one must first love him/herself. To understand love, one must learn to see the beauty surrounding them.

 Love is so complex, it's easy to get confused.. But here's another thing: Love is so simple. Our lives complicate the simple joys of love. Some of us take the love of a loved one for granted. We forget to see the beauty around us. We forget to love ourselves. WE FORGET TO LOVE. We forget that love is about selflessness and we let selfishness poison the love around us, almost willingly!

Love is about more than just brother, sister, mother, father, husband, wife. It's about respect. Many a time it has been said "We accept the love we think we deserve." (I have never seen or read Perks of Being a Wallflower)

BUT WHAT IF WE JUST ACCEPTED LOVE, NO MATTER IF WE FELT WE DESERVED IT?!

What would this world be like?

Lots of the times, we see love as a payment. It should never be seen that way at all! Love is given freely with no charge or payment accepted back. We abuse love when we do something only for the benefit of ourselves. That's not love. That's lusting after yourself. To think of it another way: Why do something only for yourself, when you can do something for someone else? When you do it only for yourself, it stops right there. When you do it for someone else, they want to do something for someone else as well. 

I've learned a lot about love over the past few years. But more importantly, I've learned that you have to make an effort to love. When you put your heart into that effort, chances are you not only blessing someone else's life, but your own. And yeah, that my friends, is not lust. That is love. And love is rewarding and blesses the lives of many. 

It doesn't matter who you are, where you come from, what you look like, what your values are, where you're going, or what you've done. You need this. You need love.

"So take your time, there's always tomorrow!"

That Classic Feel

I am totally in love with big band music. It reaches my soul at a very deep level. I swear I have a place in my brain specific to jazz music. Not just music in general..but jazz music.

Anyway, one of the most important parts to me about wedding reception is the atmosphere I design. I've got this perfect vision that isn't complex at all. Part of that atmosphere includes music. So if/when you come to my reception...you will know that I picked each and every song on that list. And you will know that I picked all those songs because they each bring a classic feel.

Anyway, when randomly looking up some more Glenn Miller music, I came across this one. I can't believe I've never heard this before.

I Believe in a Thing Called Love

I know this is very unusual for me to post more than once a month anymore..let alone twice in a day! ;) But I just wanted to tell you guys about this little thing we call love.

You all know about it.

My personal opinion on love is that it doesn't always have to be a fairytale. It doesn't have to give you butterflies every time you kiss that special person. I feel like people expect that to last forever. I feel like that is why relationships fizzle out----most of the time. And while those feelings are nice and fuzzy and such...I think the greatest part is when the love is so deep that you can't even begin to understand the depth of it.

I love Stephen to a degree that I will never understand in this life. You know what? That's okay. I'm too mortal to understand it anyway! ;) I'm so grateful for the knowledge of eternal marriage. It's supposed to be forever!

How can you go so far in life together (even if you don't accomplish your life goals-you still accomplished things together)?
How can you deal with trials that make you stronger as a couple?
How can you love someone so much you just can't describe it?
How could you not want that forever?

I know that marriage and family is one of the most Godly attributes you have the power to obtain while on the earth.  No matter what your religion...how could you not want that? I mean, at least for me anyway, there is special heart string that gets plucked whenever I think about it.

Love is special because it's the union of a feeling and an action.

This is what I feel when I love...

I feel peace and calm amongst whatever calamity I am currently trying to conquer. To share that feeling is a glorious thing. I can only imagine right now what marriage will be like.

Imma b murried dis summa! On June 6, 2013 at 11:40 a.m. I will be getting sealed to Stephen.

He really is my best friend, and that's really all I've ever wanted in man. We get to joke and be silly, sometimes gross, and completely five years old. But sometimes we are cute and couple-y too!





84 days

I'M GETTING MARRIED!

I'M GETTING MARRIED!

Remember a month ago when I said that something awesome was going to be happening soon? This is what I was talking about! :)
I get to marry Stephen Wallingford! I get to have an awesome last name guys! It's so cool. I've already practiced writing my name a billion times.

We are buying my wedding dress on Friday. We spent 12 hours on Saturday trying to find one. I found the one in the first hour. My mom, however, was not convinced that this was the dress. But I told her I would be dress biased the rest of the day..and I totally was. Nothing compared to the way I looked or felt in it. I didn't get emotional, but I just felt peace. Though I did try on some really pretty dresses throughout the day, nothing compared to this one.

So...you all want to know the story. Sorry if it's really short. I've told it at least 20 times in the last 6 days.

He drove me all around the back part of the town. I felt like he might be up to something, but deleted that from my mind when he said he needed to go to walmart. Okay...sounds legit. But when we drove past walmart he said he decided that it could wait. Then I knew something might have been up.

We have this certain tree in the town. It's OUR tree. Even though we haven't carved it or anything. (oooh I just had an idea for something else...you will love it). When he turned to the little alley way behind the park (where our tree is) I knew exactly what was happening, but asked him what we were doing there anyway. He grinned at me as he looked over and said "You know why we are here."

We got out of the car knowing we would be engaged minutes later. We walked to our tree and the grass was super mushy because the snow had just melted. Cars kept passing by, which is really strange because it is always quiet back there. So he waited for the cars to pass. After that there were lots of umms and okays on his part...with a side of laughter from me.

Finally, he told me how he has been the happiest with me that he has ever been. He told me his hopes for our future together and then ended it with him getting down on one knee. (ps, I told him I would like an "I love you" speech very much.)

And that's the story! 

 

Am I living an Inception?

In the past year and a half...so much has changed! Most of the time I am stumped at how fast life has gone. I just think about everything that's happened, everything I've done, and how much school I have actually gotten done! It astounds me, and most of the time I think I am in some long comatose type dream that when I wake up, none of this will have ever happened. That is one of my worst fears! If it is just a dream, it's been the longest (3.5 years long, extremely vivid, and eerily inceptuous) dream ever. Inceptuous because I dream in the "dream".

Another fear I have is that..for some reason...I was in a really bad accident...and am now in the recovery stages..while everyone around me has to pretend like they've never met..or that we are just as we were before my accident. Does that sound crazy?

BUT I HAVE A VALID POINT TO THIS..

The reason why I feel like this A LOT (not exaggerating) is because I feel so darn lucky with everything around me.

-I feel like I'm doing well in school because people are believing in me.
-I feel like I might have known Stephen previously than when I remember meeting him.
-And just other similar tender mercies.

But guys, just in case I sound crazy, I promise you that even though I have these weird occurrences where I feel like this, I know for a fact that I was not in a coma because of an accident.

I GUESS MY ABSOLUTE WORST FEAR IS...

Having it still be around midnight on October 14, 2009 and waking up the very next day to having all of these last 3.5 years of my life just be a dream. I say this because as I remember going to sleep that night, I remember wanting to just be put to sleep until I could wake up two years later.  That is like my number two fear. But I also know how improbable it is that I have been asleep all this time. All those experiences I went through the first two years of the "dream" were very damaging to my sense of being able to trust others, and even myself sometimes. I was hurt in more ways than I can even remember, and happy in ways that were probably unhealthily high. Though I learned a ton of lessons, I still feel the psychological pain from them from time to time. I am eternally grateful for those lessons though, as weird as that may sound. But I am big girl and know that the past is the past..and it's there for a reason.

I'll Wrap This Up

I must say that the last 1.5 years of this "dream" have been incredibly amazing. I grew in ways that were needed, and I am still growing in so many ways.

I just want to let you all know that God really REALLY does take people out of your life at the right times. Though we may not feel ready for it, we just have to trust Him and he will prove us wrong..every single time.

I also know that He puts people INTO our lives at the right time. These usually come after a trial of our faith. That's the most common form in my life anyway.

PLEASE STAY TUNED TO MY BLOG THESE NEXT FEW WEEKS....IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUT SOMETHING AWESOME.

It's awesome I tell you...AWESOME!

To Crave or to Stay Sane

I don't know what it is, but within the last few weeks I have been slowly starting to crave the summer sun. I've been craving anything summer. Or, at least..late spring..which is my ABSOLUTE favorite time of year.

 

CURSE EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER TALKING ABOUT DISNEYLAND!

The more people talk about it, the more I crave it. Eventually when I don't do something about it, I feel unproductive, lazy, and upset. So..often, you might find me planning imaginary trips trying to find the best deals on hotels and tickets. I know that is weird...but seriously..it helps. Also, watching youtube videos seem to help...though if it was anything like yesterday, it made it worse!

I was literally almost crying watching freakin youtube clips of the rides! I was sad that I hadn't seen any of the new stuff there. Like Star Tours 2, or the Little Mermaid..or Buena Vista Street...or Cars Land...or...or.... you get my point. I haven't seen anything and it's driving me nuts!

To make this matter even worse, as I was walking home from my lame-o stats class, a song came onto my ipod and I was like...holy freak, this would make the perfect background song to an adventure to Disneyland!

This song gave me the fever bad today!

You've got it now...don'tcha?! ;)

The Creative Bug

When I get the creative bug, I just always have this huge urge to go all out in whatever it is that I want to do.
Sometimes it's blogging (which is becoming more rare nowadays), sometimes it's making a food I've never made before.

But mostly...

It's making videos. I know some you have seen my videos before, and I know they aren't anything to rave about. BUT....I want my videos to become that way someday. You see, if I had the proper equipment, you can bet your bottom dollar I would probably drop out of school (which is no good) because I would spend all my days documenting the "cool" things I would be doing. Oh yeah, I would be super stylish looking with my hair in a high sock bun while wearing a cute baggy shirt, leggings, and combat boots (the cute ones) if I could pull them off. 

That's the dream. 

To travel to places I've never been and make amazing videos for the world to rave about.

 

 

 

I have a couple video projects stored in my mind right now, and as soon as I get my hands on the camera I am currently desiring, I will get to work.  And then I will share with you.

My Inspirations:

Haugen Creative (They are a huge inspiration)

This amazing effect my camera will have

This song really gets my creative juices going

Well, that's all I have time for right now. See ya! :)

Come What May and Love It

Sorry I don't blog as much as I used to. This thing used to be a serious outlet of emotions for me. Does anyone even still read my blog?

Anyway, I was asking myself why I don't blog as much anymore. I used to use this thing when I so unbelievably happy that I got a letter in the mail after months and months of nothing...or I would use it to tell you all how hurt I was that waiting for a missionary is a lot harder than it looks. Lots of the times I would write the blog posts listening to depressing music and bawling my eyes out that my dream prince had just abandoned me and another one would never come along.  lol hahaha!



I'm happy :). It's been a tough few years. I used to dream of the day when all the hurt from everything missionary related and not would just disappear. Because there was more than just missionary stuff going on. I would daydream that I would be laughing with the one I love..whoever that would be. Of course most of it would be in slow motion, because my daydreams are dramatic like that. I would just sit and think for hours that one day...one day...I would get my reward, because I knew that God wouldn't take something away without replacing it with something better. Even though it was hard to comprehend in the hard times, I knew I still had to trust Him.


"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." -Joseph B. Wirthlin

When I was going through that rough patch, I just knew it somehow that I would be compensated for my so-called loss. I love that quote by Elder Wirthlin.
I've been compensated for, and all I can feel is gratitude..and whoops there goes the tears. Except these are happy tears.

I always heard that He replaces it with something better, but returning it a hundredfold?! I did not know that. And that is why I started crying a couple sentences ago. And the fact that I am always so grateful that my life is the way that it is now...dang..of course I am crying.

Also, I love getting reconfirmations.Though I don't get them when I expect or want them...I get them when I need them...and I definitely needed one tonight. Stephen went back to Sandy tonight and I won't get to see him until next weekend, so I was feeling a little sad. Plus, I came back to my apartment to a filthy kitchen and spent 2 hours cleaning it so I was feeling upset as well.

I have learned that "Come What May and Love It" is a true principle. How could it not be? The Lord knows me personally and he knows what I need. He listens to me, and the deepest desires of my heart are always on His mind.

Big events are going to start occurring in my life. They seem mighty exciting to me.

I am so over blogging right now. Until next time!
Bye.