Bye bye!

Dear 2011,

Good riddance! I learned a lot this year, but I went through so much pain just to learn it. Could you be smidge nicer to me next year?

Despite my unique situation, I'm still happy I came out of it way better than I had ever imagined I would if the situation ever arised (as it did). I don't care about the rumor I faced. I don't care that despite my constant attempt to dispel the rumor, nothing ever came of it. My gosh, why was it that big of a deal anyway? I look back on it and realize that was the stupidest rumor in the history of ever. Like really, I could care less that it was about me. Whoever made it up and spread that one like wildfire seriously has no life. I like how no one stuck up for me either.  Just kidding, I hate it.

I continued to live my life. I didn't think about the rumor and in fact I didn't even think it was still going around. When October came around, I was on cloud nine, and I am sure most of you know why. Seeing as how I was so positive that rumor had been long over, I was so excited for the exciting month of October to finally be happening. I had become quite the lovely young woman, who had grown from all her experiences and challenges. The wonderful day had come at last! Nothing could break my stride...that is until lunch. From confident, beautiful, wonderful Alix to Alix, the girl who was stupid for doing this. Needless to say, I was a wreck the rest of the month. But no matter how many times people shoved into my face "I told you so", I was not going to give in to them and say that they were right, and I was dumb for doing what I did. Because even though everything everyone had pushed into my face all along did happen, I knew I wasn't dumb for doing it. Why?

Even though the end result wasn't like a movie or something you read in books, I had become the person I used to only dream about 2 years ago. So for that fact alone, I refuse to say this was all a waste of my time. I grew in every way possible, except for vertically...which doesn't really count. And so far as I see it, this whole ordeal has been a huge blessing in disguise. It really sucked at first, but I gave it time and I am actually happy about it now. I can honestly say that for the first time in about 3 years, I am truly happy with my life. Not that I didn't have great and happy moments during those years, but something just always felt off. And I don't feel that anymore and I love it!

I am so ready for 2012! I learned some important lessons this year, and I know that they will be of good use this coming year.

What am I doing for New Years Eve? No one invited me to any parties because I'm cool like that (I've never been to a New Years Party, gosh I'm kinda lame). So I am going to do what I do every New Years Eve, watch chick flicks and and probably be ready for bed by 8. I'll be sprawled out on the couch with the best blanket in the world. <--- I wish I could take it down to school with me, but my dad said no. :(

New Years Resolutions:

-Get the best grades I can obtain

-Get re-hired at JoAnns for the summer

-Try and find another summer job

-Fall in Love

-Keep practicing piano

-Visit the temple more often

I really am looking forward to the new year! I hope it's a good one! 

Sometimes Life is Confusing and Empowering

There are days where I feel more beautiful than usual.  Those are the days that I feel like I can do anything. No matter what life has done to me, on those days it doesn't matter, my smile, laugh, and energy is contagious. I feel very empowered those days. I am untouchable, free, peaceful, excitable, wonderful, beautiful, confident, and calm. Happy with life at that current moment, no more no less. I can't just choose this mindset, for it chooses me. It chooses me as I look at myself in the mirror as I am getting ready for the day. Then it just hits me! I feel empowered because of all I have been through. Sometimes being single feels very empowering.

Then comes the days where this does not happen. I'm not saying that I look in the mirror on these days and call myself ugly or stupid. And even though being single can feel mighty empowering, I can't help but feel as if something is still missing. There is no question or doubt that I know what is missing.

I miss that special connection. Or how doing absolutely nothing with the other is still so much fun. I miss those special hugs with the one you adore. I miss loving and being loved in return. I miss the seen and unseen respect.

Don't get me wrong... none of this is to say that I miss the relationship I was in previously. Because I don't. You're probably confused right? The thing I do miss though is being special in someone else's eyes. Someone who I have special feelings for as well. That's what I miss (which I tried to portray in the previous paragraph). No matter how empowered I am feeling at that moment, I still know something is missing. And it kills me!

This is very confusing for my brain and heart to decipher. I know I am happy, I've focused on myself for awhile, and that's great! But, then I long for that special connection and putting someone's needs before mine. I guess it's only natural right? I don't let something like that completely define me, but it is a very important part of existence in this life. I know the depiction of single life in television shows how glamorous and free it is. But I am not one to go clubbing at 2 am in hopes to find a guy for the night. I don't dig that at all actually. I would rather sit around with friends or someone I like and just talk for hours, or watching movies, or doing other random things that friends do.
Sometimes life is confusing and empowering.....but that is how we are able to tell the difference between a job well done and whether any effort was put into it at all.
Life is full of lessons.

Zimmer. Not to be confused with Jimmer.

I lied! My next post will not be a letter to 2011. It's about the glorious and fabulous Hans Zimmer.
Who is this you ask?

First off..
I am probably going to friendly smack you if you really don't know who it is. He is one of the greatest composers of the modern day!

Ew!! People who listen to instrumentals are stupid! <----- Well for your info, it's what makes the movie that much more enjoyable. It sets the scene and mood.

So below I will have links to my favorite Hans Zimmer tracks! You should be able to recognize at least some of the music!














Blackbeard (the last video) is one of favorites by him. I can even play the first 2 minutes on the piano.

Now you know who Hans Zimmer is.

Random Time!

Oh hello! :)

Yeah life just keeps moving on! I can't believe Christmas is only a few days away. I can't believe that this year has been as fast as it has! Which I am so thankful for.

I look back and wonder how it has been 2 months since I thought my life was falling apart. Wow, I was WRONG! Life is so much more different than I ever thought, but it's actually so wonderful right now! Nothing has really changed that much, but it just feels like something great is going to happen! I don't know what...but it feels pretty spectacular! What is that feeling called.....anticipation? Yeah probably. I just don't know what I am anticipating.

But I do know that my days in Tooele are numbered...(yes!). Maybe that's the anticipation? hmm I have no clue. 2 weeks until I am in Ephraim! :)

Well I have some random useless news for you. My car hates me even more now. On Monday, it decided to die on me at the bank. Mom got it up and running again. Ugh, but last night frustrated me to no end. The seat belt buckle broke!! I am so angry. I really don't like my car...why should I..when it hates me? I am really surprised it is still half alive. Seriously, it's been on it's last string for about 4 years.

2011 has been a good year overall. Not by the events, but because of the way I handled them. I am ready for 2012 though, and I have a feeling it will be a pretty swell year!
My next post will probably be a letter to 2011.
See ya then!

The Perfect Man

I feel sometimes we as girls get into the notion that the perfect man is out there. We search for the one who has never made mistakes, and one who will never do anything but make us happy. We want one who promises this after that. So after all the time we spend searching, we pass up so many potentially great matches. I don't believe in soulmates but I do believe in the perfect couple..and I do believe in the perfect man.

"Alix, are you crazy? You just said there was no such thing as the perfect man!"

Yes, good job. I did say that. The way the world defines the perfect man (like I did previously) is not a perfect man at all.

A perfect man is not one who has never made mistakes, but one who has made mistakes and has learned and grown from it. He asks forgiveness from the Lord and becomes perfected in Him. (This applies to women too.)

^feel free to quote me..I googled it an couldn't find anyone who had said it before.

My perfect man is out there and he has made mistakes. He has learned and grown from them and has been perfected in Him. He sees his worth.

I'm a human and I've made mistakes as well. I've learned and grown from them, and because of the Lord I have been perfected in Him.

Maybe I already know my perfect man, and maybe I don't. I guess only time will tell. And really, that is not a problem at all. :)

In other news:

26 days to move in day! I am so excited! I've got some fun plans down there.

Poetry

NOTE: There is no particular person I wrote this about. Just fyi.

Dear Prince Charming,

I've been waiting for you all my life.
Are you waiting for me too?
I'm hoping one day to be your wife,
so here's some clues for you.

I want to be the one you laugh with,
the one who sees you through.
I'm hoping you just aren't some myth,

and will cheer me up when I feel blue.

I want to be your best friend,
and one who tells the truth.
Let's stay in love until the end,
as if we're always in our youth.

When we fight we'll talk it out,
and end it with kiss.
There'll be no need to doubt,
because each day with you is bliss.

Then we'll want to have some kids,
and teach them right from wrong.
Life will be full of bids,
but I know they'll grow up strong.

Mommy and daddy will be a team,
and cheer our kiddos on.
Our family will be sweeter than cream.

Treasure the moments cause soon they'll be gone.

I want to grow old with you,
and be your only one.
Our love will still feel new.
Our journey on Earth is almost done.

Whoever gets to Heaven first,
I hope that we will say,
I've been waiting for you my love.
Have you been waiting for me too?

So..how was it?

I totally made this up as I went along, so I tried to make it have a direction the best I could. haha.

The Curveball

Life threw me a curveball and I knocked it right out of the park!
I look back at the moment when I was thrown the curveball and remember that at first, I was trying to avoid it. But if I wanted my team and me to be happy I had to put all my might into the swing. The ball was inches away from hitting my bat, and when I hit the ball, I put it right back into play. When I did, it was quite an empowering moment.

Sure, I just used a baseball analogy. And perhaps I just described baseball all wrong, but even if I didn't...I'm sure you get the gist of what I am saying....at least in analogy form.

I had every reason to be upset. For the first week, all I could think about was why me? My life is over.
I wasn't happy at all. I had every right to be confused and upset about it so I was going wallow as long as I felt necessary as long as it didn't carry onto week 2. But once I had my week of moping, I told myself to knock it off! Naturally, I wanted to go back to moping, but everytime I moped, it only made me more miserable and upset. I didn't want to feel that way anymore. I prayed to have this burdening feeling lifted off my shoulders. I went to sleep, and the next morning when I woke up, I had this new felt energy running through my veins! IT WAS AMAZING!  Sure, I still looked at the last week with sadness, but I decided to not to let it take over my life anymore.

Two years ago, I pictured my life today so differently than what it is now. Why shouldn't that send someone into a week of hurting? It would to just about anyone. But the different thing from now compared to that week of hurting, is that I am a completely different person. Oh sure, there are still the same ol Alix quirks that came along but when I prayed to have the burden taken away...I became Happy-Alix-Despite-The-Situation. Which yes, I believe is a very valuable attitude to have acquired by such a learning experience.

I have decided to live my life to the best that I know how. You can't go wrong when you are doing what is right. If I take care of myself and be the best me I can be, God will take care of everything else.

I've been a good girl, learned from my mistakes, embraced the lessons I've learned, and I feel grateful that I can recognize that in myself.

My life is turning around! :)

I get to apply for school on Monday, and I have a date on Friday!

When life turns out differently than expected, take it as an opportunity! :) You certainly get your happiness back ten fold.