2 days later:
Alright so I was lacking inspiration two days ago when I thought I really had something to blog about. I really didn't..so I stopped...obviously. But within the last few minutes lots of ideas have come up. Let's see if I can remember them. I might as well warn that this might just turn into a vent post.
First of all, I got sick with either allergies or a cold. I hate getting sick. It only happens about once a year. I hate the feeling of being so freakin tired and wanting to sleep so bad to heal yourself...but you can't because you have....math..or an english paper.
Second, I am somewhat jealous that my sister is going to the Foster The People concert when they come on tour. She is lucky. I will live though...I feel like being pushed into other people is not my way of enjoying music. But whatever floats your boat.
Thirdly, I found out tonight that my dad is growing a goatee. Gross! I have come to find that very few people in this world can pull off facial hair. Facial hair is just..........blehhh...especially on my father. Sorry dad, it's just gross.
Lastly is the thing I think about most...even though I try not to.
Loneliness. My gosh... I shouldn't have a problem with this should I? Certainly not. But its unavoidable. Happy couples everywhere. People going on dates everywhere. Just when I think I am okay with it, that's when I should be expecting the pitfall of No-I-Am-Actually-Not-Okay-With-This syndrome. But no, it hits me unexpectedly every time. Every. Single. Time.
I want someone to like me, and not just leave it at that. I want to like the person too. I want a mutual like with someone who I can eventually start dating. Is that so much to ask for?
The kicker is, MUTUAL LIKE. If you like me but I just see it as friends...you're going to creep me out a little bit..even if it doesn't seem like it. I guess I should expound on that a bit more so it makes a little sense and hopefully not makes me seem shallow. It really just depends on the person now that I am thinking about it. Because in some instances if I hear of (not that I have) a cute stranger who thinks I am attractive, I am going to feel flattered. There are a few other things that help determine how flattered I feel though...age and religion are a big thing..and duh I have to think he is cute as well. Things change though when we talk about friends. If a guy friend of mine likes me, yet I only see him as friends and have not thought romantically about him at all..I'm going to hold back..and be distant. It's the only possible thing I can think of that wouldn't feel like a smack to the face. Let's just be friends...That's what I am nonverbally telling you. Now if I have romantic like type feelings towards a friend, it's going to be great fun! Now how long those feelings last is determined by multiple factors. But mutual like is the one that will keep that attraction going. It has already happened to me twice down here. Two fine upstanding gentlemen who I thought were very attractive. Once I found out that the like I had towards them wasn't reciprocated, it turned into "I only see you as friends now, even though I won't disagree on your degree of attractiveness. I just don't have the butterfly feelings for you anymore."
I sincerely hope this doesn't make me seem like a shallow soul. I know what I want. I hate playing games and the road I take usually helps me avoid them as much as I can. That's not a bad thing is it? I won't submit myself to someone of the opposite sex unless I really like the person. Which I feel is not a bad thing by any means. But then again I was always the girl who everyone thought was weird because I had set personal boundaries for myself. I am the one who never really had a set curfew except certain times because I had a reasonable one set for myself. I have never allowed someone who just my crush or friend to hold my hand. I have never allowed someone to kiss me who wasn't already my boyfriend. And I certainly have never kissed anyone who wasn't my boyfriend. Kind of seems like the same sentence..but its so different. I am the type who once I have a boyfriend...I don't want to kiss them right then. Just because I would have a boyfriend doesn't mean that I would even feel like kissing them until awhile after.
If you are a guy reading this (I'm not sure any read this) and you are unsure where you fit in, don't be afraid to ask me. Though my answer will be honest (whether it's what you want to hear or not) I will say it as gentle or with as much excitement as I can. Really, just ask me. I'm very good at reading people, even over text. So I know when you are trying to beat around the bush. And though it may seem like I am totally oblivious to you beating around the bush, I am not. The only way you know when I am totally oblivious is when I straight out say that I am oblivious. I always know when someone is beating around the bush...and I feel that this is also one of the many reasons why I have never truly been surprised in my life. But that is not relating to this topic.
If you are a guy reading this (I'm not sure any read this) and you are unsure where you fit in, don't be afraid to ask me. Though my answer will be honest (whether it's what you want to hear or not) I will say it as gentle or with as much excitement as I can. Really, just ask me. I'm very good at reading people, even over text. So I know when you are trying to beat around the bush. And though it may seem like I am totally oblivious to you beating around the bush, I am not. The only way you know when I am totally oblivious is when I straight out say that I am oblivious. I always know when someone is beating around the bush...and I feel that this is also one of the many reasons why I have never truly been surprised in my life. But that is not relating to this topic.
I have a fixed list of dating rules in my head and they are deeply rooted in who I am. They won't change.
I know there is opposition in all things, so I know some of you must be thinking, "No wonder she doesn't get any dates...she is a tightwad."
If you didn't think that then I am very happy you get my point of view. If you do think I am tightwad then I think I should thank you. Those are my values. And just because I am not loose with them like everyone else seems to be these days, doesn't mean I am going to be that way either. When I say I have values..I actually hold myself to those values and keep my standards.
Again I must ask..Where is my prince? You know what? I know he is coming. The Lord is preparing us. But at the same time..patience is just not something that is exactly the easiest thing to do. But I will do it and trust in Him and the timing that He sets up. That's what I always come away with after feeling lonely. Even though the loneliness doesn't go away necessarily, He reminds me that he knows what he is doing...and for that..it brings me peace.
Well, I should go to bed. OY! So much for going to bed early because I am sick. Love you all.
