I think I solved my own problem. It's just how I go about fixing it.

The first thing I would like to vent about is something I have been able to laugh off. It still hurts though, don't get me wrong.

When someone says "You aren't worth my time." It hurts.
When someone says "You aren't worth my energy." It hurts.
When someone says "You aren't worth my money." It hurts.

Get the point?

When you try so hard to compromise, and then get accused of not compromising, it freakin hurts. There I was trying my best, and there this person sits taking all my credit of compromising, while they just sit there not accepting the compromise, or at least trying to compromise with my compromise. I'm really sorry fella, but it goes both ways. You can't expect my compromises to be perfect when you won't even try and compromise with me.

But as I've said. I laughed it off. Because really...this person didn't have a clue.

The next thing that I would like to semi-vent about is all the amazing connections I have made with all these guys...yet here's the thing...none of them have asked me out or even tried to get to know me better. Not like thats a big shocker though. That's typical. At least in my world it is. I am overlooked, or ignored. You'd think after nearly 5 years in the dating scene I would be used to feeling this way. It never fails to make me feel crappy though. I'm in this pit of loneliness that I can't get myself out of. Kind of like that scene in Homeward Bound where Shadow is stuck in that muddy ditch. I feel like that. Add in the fact that school is nearly over and finals are coming up.

In high school, dating was fun. I never got rejected.
In college, dating hasn't been that much fun. It feels more like a chore that I have to do. I've asked and asked...and gotten rejected. I do have a date coming up though. Because finally I wasn't rejected for once. But besides that, I feel like something is wrong with me. Am I doing something wrong to repel every single guy away from me? My efforts aren't good enough I guess.

Let's do some math right now...even though I suck at it. Fortunately enough, I know this equation all too well, because it's my life.

Steady dating in high school+Waited for a missionary+Breakup after his mission+No date in the past 10 months+Not being worth some guy's time, energy, and money+Connections that never go anywhere+Rejection when asking for dates+Pressures of everyone around me being in love or married+Learning so much about who I am as a person+Growing in the gospel+Recognizing the true power of the Atonement+A higher self-esteem than I have ever had= ME. A great girl who is just simply trying her best and giving her all. The problem is that something must be wrong with me. If I was a man, I would have no trouble finding someone who loved all the qualities I possess.

But being that I am a woman, every other girl is trying to do exactly what I am doing when attracting a man. Showing off the qualities that make us special and unique from the next girl in line.

I'm not tan, I don't have faux hair color, I wear less makeup than your average young adult woman. I try to look my best everyday...even if that means sweats sometimes. I'm not super model pretty. I wear modest clothing..at all times! Not just when it's convenient. I'm quirky and witty. I love to goof off.

The problem is, I am overlooked. I don't possess all the things that a man thinks  he needs. I feel like it's a constant competition between women. We try to one up each other so we have a higher chance of getting the guy. Well, I'm done playing that game. Don't get me wrong, I'm still going to be dressing cute and such and showing my personality...but it won't be for anyone but me. I'm the only one who seems to care about my effort anyway.

I am scared as heck to enter back into the dating world. Whenever that is. I'm scared of having a relationship as long as I did before and not have anything come of it. I'm scared of giving my full heart to someone, when I know full well they could rip it to shreds moments later.

I have every reason to be scared about entering the dating scene again. After all I've been though, if it happened to you, you would be skeptical as well.

What I need is for someone to not be scared of what I've been through. Someone who isn't pushy, and gives me space (super important one as I ease back into this). Someone who makes an effort and is willing to accept me and love me for my moments of weakness that will undoubtedly come. Someone who won't see me as just another girl. Someone who will literally be my best friend. Someone who means what they say. Someone who accepts my sense of humor. Someone whom I find attractive, and finds me attractive as well.

Is that too much to ask?

Dear guys who have overlooked me,

I challenge you to not overlook me next time you are looking for a date. You might surprise yourself.

Okay. I'm done. I just needed to let it all go for the night. It's been building up and it was time to release it to my blog.