Am I living an Inception?

In the past year and a half...so much has changed! Most of the time I am stumped at how fast life has gone. I just think about everything that's happened, everything I've done, and how much school I have actually gotten done! It astounds me, and most of the time I think I am in some long comatose type dream that when I wake up, none of this will have ever happened. That is one of my worst fears! If it is just a dream, it's been the longest (3.5 years long, extremely vivid, and eerily inceptuous) dream ever. Inceptuous because I dream in the "dream".

Another fear I have is that..for some reason...I was in a really bad accident...and am now in the recovery stages..while everyone around me has to pretend like they've never met..or that we are just as we were before my accident. Does that sound crazy?

BUT I HAVE A VALID POINT TO THIS..

The reason why I feel like this A LOT (not exaggerating) is because I feel so darn lucky with everything around me.

-I feel like I'm doing well in school because people are believing in me.
-I feel like I might have known Stephen previously than when I remember meeting him.
-And just other similar tender mercies.

But guys, just in case I sound crazy, I promise you that even though I have these weird occurrences where I feel like this, I know for a fact that I was not in a coma because of an accident.

I GUESS MY ABSOLUTE WORST FEAR IS...

Having it still be around midnight on October 14, 2009 and waking up the very next day to having all of these last 3.5 years of my life just be a dream. I say this because as I remember going to sleep that night, I remember wanting to just be put to sleep until I could wake up two years later.  That is like my number two fear. But I also know how improbable it is that I have been asleep all this time. All those experiences I went through the first two years of the "dream" were very damaging to my sense of being able to trust others, and even myself sometimes. I was hurt in more ways than I can even remember, and happy in ways that were probably unhealthily high. Though I learned a ton of lessons, I still feel the psychological pain from them from time to time. I am eternally grateful for those lessons though, as weird as that may sound. But I am big girl and know that the past is the past..and it's there for a reason.

I'll Wrap This Up

I must say that the last 1.5 years of this "dream" have been incredibly amazing. I grew in ways that were needed, and I am still growing in so many ways.

I just want to let you all know that God really REALLY does take people out of your life at the right times. Though we may not feel ready for it, we just have to trust Him and he will prove us wrong..every single time.

I also know that He puts people INTO our lives at the right time. These usually come after a trial of our faith. That's the most common form in my life anyway.

PLEASE STAY TUNED TO MY BLOG THESE NEXT FEW WEEKS....IF YOU WANT TO FIND OUT SOMETHING AWESOME.

It's awesome I tell you...AWESOME!

To Crave or to Stay Sane

I don't know what it is, but within the last few weeks I have been slowly starting to crave the summer sun. I've been craving anything summer. Or, at least..late spring..which is my ABSOLUTE favorite time of year.

 

CURSE EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER TALKING ABOUT DISNEYLAND!

The more people talk about it, the more I crave it. Eventually when I don't do something about it, I feel unproductive, lazy, and upset. So..often, you might find me planning imaginary trips trying to find the best deals on hotels and tickets. I know that is weird...but seriously..it helps. Also, watching youtube videos seem to help...though if it was anything like yesterday, it made it worse!

I was literally almost crying watching freakin youtube clips of the rides! I was sad that I hadn't seen any of the new stuff there. Like Star Tours 2, or the Little Mermaid..or Buena Vista Street...or Cars Land...or...or.... you get my point. I haven't seen anything and it's driving me nuts!

To make this matter even worse, as I was walking home from my lame-o stats class, a song came onto my ipod and I was like...holy freak, this would make the perfect background song to an adventure to Disneyland!

This song gave me the fever bad today!

You've got it now...don'tcha?! ;)

The Creative Bug

When I get the creative bug, I just always have this huge urge to go all out in whatever it is that I want to do.
Sometimes it's blogging (which is becoming more rare nowadays), sometimes it's making a food I've never made before.

But mostly...

It's making videos. I know some you have seen my videos before, and I know they aren't anything to rave about. BUT....I want my videos to become that way someday. You see, if I had the proper equipment, you can bet your bottom dollar I would probably drop out of school (which is no good) because I would spend all my days documenting the "cool" things I would be doing. Oh yeah, I would be super stylish looking with my hair in a high sock bun while wearing a cute baggy shirt, leggings, and combat boots (the cute ones) if I could pull them off. 

That's the dream. 

To travel to places I've never been and make amazing videos for the world to rave about.

 

 

 

I have a couple video projects stored in my mind right now, and as soon as I get my hands on the camera I am currently desiring, I will get to work.  And then I will share with you.

My Inspirations:

Haugen Creative (They are a huge inspiration)

This amazing effect my camera will have

This song really gets my creative juices going

Well, that's all I have time for right now. See ya! :)

Come What May and Love It

Sorry I don't blog as much as I used to. This thing used to be a serious outlet of emotions for me. Does anyone even still read my blog?

Anyway, I was asking myself why I don't blog as much anymore. I used to use this thing when I so unbelievably happy that I got a letter in the mail after months and months of nothing...or I would use it to tell you all how hurt I was that waiting for a missionary is a lot harder than it looks. Lots of the times I would write the blog posts listening to depressing music and bawling my eyes out that my dream prince had just abandoned me and another one would never come along.  lol hahaha!



I'm happy :). It's been a tough few years. I used to dream of the day when all the hurt from everything missionary related and not would just disappear. Because there was more than just missionary stuff going on. I would daydream that I would be laughing with the one I love..whoever that would be. Of course most of it would be in slow motion, because my daydreams are dramatic like that. I would just sit and think for hours that one day...one day...I would get my reward, because I knew that God wouldn't take something away without replacing it with something better. Even though it was hard to comprehend in the hard times, I knew I still had to trust Him.


"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." -Joseph B. Wirthlin

When I was going through that rough patch, I just knew it somehow that I would be compensated for my so-called loss. I love that quote by Elder Wirthlin.
I've been compensated for, and all I can feel is gratitude..and whoops there goes the tears. Except these are happy tears.

I always heard that He replaces it with something better, but returning it a hundredfold?! I did not know that. And that is why I started crying a couple sentences ago. And the fact that I am always so grateful that my life is the way that it is now...dang..of course I am crying.

Also, I love getting reconfirmations.Though I don't get them when I expect or want them...I get them when I need them...and I definitely needed one tonight. Stephen went back to Sandy tonight and I won't get to see him until next weekend, so I was feeling a little sad. Plus, I came back to my apartment to a filthy kitchen and spent 2 hours cleaning it so I was feeling upset as well.

I have learned that "Come What May and Love It" is a true principle. How could it not be? The Lord knows me personally and he knows what I need. He listens to me, and the deepest desires of my heart are always on His mind.

Big events are going to start occurring in my life. They seem mighty exciting to me.

I am so over blogging right now. Until next time!
Bye.