Dance With Me?

Oh hello 2012! :) I hope you are nice to me.

Anyway, today I was at work and I had my Spotify account open just listening to one of my playlists. Then one of my favorite songs comes on.
I don't know what it is about this song, but everytime I hear it I just get this crazy urge to slow dance into all hours of the night. Maybe it's the sweet melody of the guitar, maybe it's the soft vocals, or maybe even the lyrics. Perhaps it's everything, but I do know that it is just one of those songs that I could dance to forever. But perhaps it's because I haven't slow danced in years, and I really miss it's tenderness.

I want to dance to this so bad. Really. Actually let me correct myself, I want to dance to this with someone I really care about. Not just anyone. That is what would make it special.

In other news, I move to Ephraim this Saturday!

Bye bye!

Dear 2011,

Good riddance! I learned a lot this year, but I went through so much pain just to learn it. Could you be smidge nicer to me next year?

Despite my unique situation, I'm still happy I came out of it way better than I had ever imagined I would if the situation ever arised (as it did). I don't care about the rumor I faced. I don't care that despite my constant attempt to dispel the rumor, nothing ever came of it. My gosh, why was it that big of a deal anyway? I look back on it and realize that was the stupidest rumor in the history of ever. Like really, I could care less that it was about me. Whoever made it up and spread that one like wildfire seriously has no life. I like how no one stuck up for me either.  Just kidding, I hate it.

I continued to live my life. I didn't think about the rumor and in fact I didn't even think it was still going around. When October came around, I was on cloud nine, and I am sure most of you know why. Seeing as how I was so positive that rumor had been long over, I was so excited for the exciting month of October to finally be happening. I had become quite the lovely young woman, who had grown from all her experiences and challenges. The wonderful day had come at last! Nothing could break my stride...that is until lunch. From confident, beautiful, wonderful Alix to Alix, the girl who was stupid for doing this. Needless to say, I was a wreck the rest of the month. But no matter how many times people shoved into my face "I told you so", I was not going to give in to them and say that they were right, and I was dumb for doing what I did. Because even though everything everyone had pushed into my face all along did happen, I knew I wasn't dumb for doing it. Why?

Even though the end result wasn't like a movie or something you read in books, I had become the person I used to only dream about 2 years ago. So for that fact alone, I refuse to say this was all a waste of my time. I grew in every way possible, except for vertically...which doesn't really count. And so far as I see it, this whole ordeal has been a huge blessing in disguise. It really sucked at first, but I gave it time and I am actually happy about it now. I can honestly say that for the first time in about 3 years, I am truly happy with my life. Not that I didn't have great and happy moments during those years, but something just always felt off. And I don't feel that anymore and I love it!

I am so ready for 2012! I learned some important lessons this year, and I know that they will be of good use this coming year.

What am I doing for New Years Eve? No one invited me to any parties because I'm cool like that (I've never been to a New Years Party, gosh I'm kinda lame). So I am going to do what I do every New Years Eve, watch chick flicks and and probably be ready for bed by 8. I'll be sprawled out on the couch with the best blanket in the world. <--- I wish I could take it down to school with me, but my dad said no. :(

New Years Resolutions:

-Get the best grades I can obtain

-Get re-hired at JoAnns for the summer

-Try and find another summer job

-Fall in Love

-Keep practicing piano

-Visit the temple more often

I really am looking forward to the new year! I hope it's a good one! 

Sometimes Life is Confusing and Empowering

There are days where I feel more beautiful than usual.  Those are the days that I feel like I can do anything. No matter what life has done to me, on those days it doesn't matter, my smile, laugh, and energy is contagious. I feel very empowered those days. I am untouchable, free, peaceful, excitable, wonderful, beautiful, confident, and calm. Happy with life at that current moment, no more no less. I can't just choose this mindset, for it chooses me. It chooses me as I look at myself in the mirror as I am getting ready for the day. Then it just hits me! I feel empowered because of all I have been through. Sometimes being single feels very empowering.

Then comes the days where this does not happen. I'm not saying that I look in the mirror on these days and call myself ugly or stupid. And even though being single can feel mighty empowering, I can't help but feel as if something is still missing. There is no question or doubt that I know what is missing.

I miss that special connection. Or how doing absolutely nothing with the other is still so much fun. I miss those special hugs with the one you adore. I miss loving and being loved in return. I miss the seen and unseen respect.

Don't get me wrong... none of this is to say that I miss the relationship I was in previously. Because I don't. You're probably confused right? The thing I do miss though is being special in someone else's eyes. Someone who I have special feelings for as well. That's what I miss (which I tried to portray in the previous paragraph). No matter how empowered I am feeling at that moment, I still know something is missing. And it kills me!

This is very confusing for my brain and heart to decipher. I know I am happy, I've focused on myself for awhile, and that's great! But, then I long for that special connection and putting someone's needs before mine. I guess it's only natural right? I don't let something like that completely define me, but it is a very important part of existence in this life. I know the depiction of single life in television shows how glamorous and free it is. But I am not one to go clubbing at 2 am in hopes to find a guy for the night. I don't dig that at all actually. I would rather sit around with friends or someone I like and just talk for hours, or watching movies, or doing other random things that friends do.
Sometimes life is confusing and empowering.....but that is how we are able to tell the difference between a job well done and whether any effort was put into it at all.
Life is full of lessons.

Zimmer. Not to be confused with Jimmer.

I lied! My next post will not be a letter to 2011. It's about the glorious and fabulous Hans Zimmer.
Who is this you ask?

First off..
I am probably going to friendly smack you if you really don't know who it is. He is one of the greatest composers of the modern day!

Ew!! People who listen to instrumentals are stupid! <----- Well for your info, it's what makes the movie that much more enjoyable. It sets the scene and mood.

So below I will have links to my favorite Hans Zimmer tracks! You should be able to recognize at least some of the music!














Blackbeard (the last video) is one of favorites by him. I can even play the first 2 minutes on the piano.

Now you know who Hans Zimmer is.